A New Kind of AMRAP

This article was originally posted on HB Unfiltered

AMRAP: Awareness, Marinate, Reflect, Accept, & Push

At some point yesterday, Harley Love and I were back and forth at each other about something when Ben finally goes, “Can we just change the tone!?!”

Honestly, my immediate reaction in my head was, “Yeah, Har, you should change your tone.” So, I carried on and went to go take a shower.

When I was in the shower, though, I thought about it more and vaguely remembered Ben alluding to the same sort of thing when I was at it over something else with Bode earlier in the day.

That’s when I arrived at the awareness that the common denominator in those two scenarios: me.

In addition to the fact that I’m the parent who’s supposed to be serving as an example of what healthy conversation sounds like for our kids, I was leading the charge with the sort of tone that never actually moves conflict in a good direction.

In fact, barking at each other like that, we all know, either escalates the “heat” or sends people off in different directions creating the sort of silent tension that quietly confirms to you that that’s “how you handle conflict”.

During that shower, I went through all of the emotions. I stood there with it all, letting it marinate: the denial that Ben didn’t know the whole story of what we were arguing about, the surrender that it didn’t matter what the story was, the ick that came along with the ownership I was suddenly having, the gratitude I arrived at in having a family that I knew would move past this whether I handled it or not, and the determination I built in my heart to face all of this and show each of them the respect that they deserve by having the…for me…hard conversations I decided I should because I have spent too much time doing hard things to run away from something so simple, yet meaningful, like this.

When I got out of the shower, I took a moment to reflect on what had just happened in there. I decided that once that door opened, I was going to…one by one…go apologize to each of them, own up to the way I’ve been talking to people that I love when they don’t behave exactly the way I want them to, and commit to a more loving tone moving forward. And, I would just notify Jonah of the whole thing because I never speak to him with anything but kindness…because he’s the only one in the family that, basically, behaves exactly how I would want him to all of the time.

Before I opened the door, I paused; that was a lot of processing. I needed a second to find peace with all of it, be ok with having behaved in a way I wasn’t proud of, commit to a genuine apology, and have faith that my honesty with these people will leave us all in a better place. I needed this moment to accept all of this as a hard, yet hugely valuable opportunity of growth.

And, then it was time to face the uncomfortableness…it was time to push forward.

Ben was first. I said my peace, and he just laughed at me. It was actually perfect.

Harley Love was next. She stared at me the whole time with the goofiest face as if to say, “What the heck are you talking about?” Instead, she said while giggling and laughing at me, too, “I’m proud of you.” We both started cracking up.

I reported in with Jonah, who said I was crazy and that I was never short with anyone. That’s why he’s my favorite.

And, Bode just melted, hugged me, and said, “I love you, Mom.”

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My AMRAP framework worked: (A) awareness, (M) marinate, (R) reflect, (A) accept, and (P) push.

And, today wasn’t easy, but it was a huge step towards a more loving tone with the people in my life who deserve it the most.